The Triangle of love and doom and despair and love
by Kirsten Ann
Summary: Written by both Kirsten Ann and Love from CJ. As we wrote this we were singing the words, so feel free to do that. Set in the Marauder Era. Love, hate, laughs and eventually baby Harry. plz r&r and ENJOY OR PERISH.
1. One sunny bright day they smelled of

**_Disclaimer: We do not own anything Harry Potter. This is sposed to be purely for fun and not to be taken seriously. We're just really hyper right now, and wired on a lot of caffination. _**

**_Loads of Toads_**

**_Codi J and Korey S_**

* * *

One sunny bright day, there was a boy. A kind of creepy boy, who had a lot of greasy hair. What was this boy's name? Oh what could it be?

Severus! Severus Snape was his name!

Not many people liked him…which wasn't hard to see why. He smelled of kitty litter and old cheese, and his eyes were as black as coal that burned. His nose was a long as a snowman's carrot nose, and it did this funny little hook thing at the tip. He was tall and lanky and pale as a newborn kitty cat.

Some people wondered if he was straight or not. But he was straight. Because he was in love with Lily Evans.

* * *

One sunny bright day, there was a girl. A kind of pretty girl who had bright green eyes. What was this girl's name? Oh what could it be?

Lily! Lily Evans was her name!

Everybody liked her…especially James Potter (who we will get to know later). She smelled of roses and fine wine. She had long auburn hair, that was silky and smooth…she must have used pantine pro-V. She was tall and lean and suntanned-golden as a Mayan goddess of sun.

She had had many boyfriends before. But none of them could ever love her the way she deserved to be loved.

* * *

One sunny bright day, there was a boy. A kind of cocky boy, who had messy black hair. What was this boy's name? Oh what could it be?

James! James Potter was his name!

Nearly everyone liked him…all except for Lily Evans and Severus Snape and Lucius Malfoy and a lot of other people that we don't have time to mention because we don't know their names… He smelled of grass and cheap cologne. He had eyes as blue as sky and his nose wasn't so big as Snape's was. And he was part of the Marauders. He was tall and muscular and a bit pale….like a Goth kid, only not.

Everyone knew he was straight because he stalked Lily Evans… (Who will later become his wife…they'll have baby Harry).

* * *

Now for the love triangle of…love and doom and death and despair and hugs and kisses and babies and marriage and hormones and …LOVE!

Snape loved Lily…James loved Lily. Lily said 'screw you all'!

…or…

The triangle could have been: James loved Lily…Lily loved Snape. And Snape loved James.

…

NAH! Slash isn't really my style. No slash…it be the nasty.

So! Snape loved Lily…James loved Lily. And Lily was so confused. She had two boys who loved her unconditionally. Kind of like Christine Daae in Phantom of the Opera.

But eventually there would come a time when the men would have to prove their love.


	2. PMSing Weiners

**_disclamer: We still dont own anything. This chap is real lots of funny and har-dehar-ness. We couldnt stop laughing..._**

**_Once again, feel free to sing along!_**

**_Loads of Toads_**

**_Codi J and Korey S_**

* * *

Chapter Two:

Severus was the first to be tested. Lily came to him one day to ask him a well though out questionnaire. Here is an exact copy of that questionnaire…

Q: What is you full name?

A: Severus Michael Angelo Martin Peter Harrington Snape.

Q: What is your favorite color?

A: Puce

Q: Why do you love me?

A: Because you are the most beautiful creature that ever graced the earth. You are so kind hearted and glowing, how could I ever refuse you? You are the light in my life, my dear. And you know you feel the same about me…but my heart is torn and mangled because I'm a hideous beast.

Q: Are you a pureblood or not?

A: I am a pureblood.

Q: Why do you always call me a mudblood?

A: Because I love you

Q: What kind of dinky answer is that?

A: …no comment…

Then Severus turned in his questionnaire. Lily looked it over with a grin. And then she WROTE A BIG FAT 'F', BREAKING HIS HEART.

He went crying and sobbing and screaming like a little girl to his room. As he blubbered, another boy walked in.

"Hey. You crying over there? Is that you Severus?"

"No sob sob its not sob sob," cried Severus. The boy who walked in was Lucius Malfoy. He pointed and laughed at Severus's tears.

"Why are you such a stupid girl?" He chuckled, "You don't deserve her if you can't be strong, my boy. You must learn to be strong for her, what kind of boyfriend would you be if when she was hormonal and PMS-ing…you started to cry? She would dump you like a hot potato in a bag full of beans wrapped in butter of the fourth of July in 1974!"

"Why do you TEASE me so? Lucius, you are such a WIENER!" Severus cried some more. Honestly he was worse than a pregnant woman! "No one even likes you that much because you're a WIENER!"

"Well at least I'm not a crybaby piss-worm now. You PMS worse than Narcissa…and she's like and effing volcano of death and tears and lava!" Lucius said with as grin, "But she is one hot Momma and she kisses me with passion and someday maybe we will have a baby named Draco."

"Draco?"

"Yes Draco will be my son's name!"

…And so concludes the second chapter. Tune in next week for chapter three in which James takes the questionnaire.


	3. Emotional trees

**_Disclaimer: WE OWN ALL! Okay...we're lying like a lot. Ignore us, anyway...we still don't own Harry Potter. That's slavery and is frowned upon in most nations. Dang. Jk._**

**_READ!_**

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Chapter Three:

So now came the time for James Potter's questionnaire.

Q: What is you full name?

A: James Potter.

Q: What is your favorite color?

A: red

Q: Why do you love me?

A: because you're hot and sexy

Q: Are you a pureblood or not?

A: I am a pureblood.

Q: Why do you always call me a mudblood?

A: I don't

Q: What kind of dinky answer is that?

A: I DON'T CALL YOU A MUDBLOOD

Then, he handed it in. Lily frowned AND GAVE HIM A BIG FAT C-. James was shocked, hurt even.

"C-! Whaddya MEAN C-? That's Grade "A" feelings pored out on that paper!" He wailed. Then he went sobbing and crying to the whomping willow tree.

But someone interrupted him.

"James? It's me, Sirius!" Sirius Black said, with a toss of his pretty black hair.

"GO AWAY! I'M WALLOWING!" James roared.

"Wait, James…where are you?" Sirius asked.

"I'm in a wooden tree of emotion!" James sobbed.

"Dude, are you crying over that babe Lily Evans?" Sirius asked with a smirk.

"Yes…yes I am."

"Why?"

"A C-!" he exclaimed. "I PORED OUT MY HEART AND SHE GAVE ME A C-! Here, I even have my paper."

Sirius grabbed the crumpled smelly paper from James' fingers and looked it over. He snorted and chuckled and laughed himself silly.

"Poured out your heart? More like poured out your…_I suck with women!"_ Sirius chortled.

"Can…can you help, Sirius? Can you help me with my…problem? Old buddy old pal? My performance in the "Lady Department" needs some work," James whispered, "I'm scared."

"Yeah, me too," Sirius coughed, backing up slightly.

"Hold me…" James said, resting his head on Sirius' attractive shoulder.

"No!" Sirius said, running behind the tree. "What are you on? Are…are you wasted?

"Only a little." James sniffled.

"Okay, that's a lesson. Don't drink. Drinkers smell and girls don't like smelly drinkers…or smelly guys in general." Sirius taught.

"I, a humble pupil to your teachings, shall heed your every word!" James said with a bow.

And so began their "Lady Lessons". James thought he was ahead of the game. But unbeknownst to him, Severus was getting lessons of his own.

Bum Bum BUUUUUUUM!


End file.
